Un reve en cache un autre...
Un premier pas vers la fin de mon déchirement ?
Dimanche 5 Décembre 2004 à 21h59
Il y a de ca a peine 2 heures, avec KAt sur MSN, j'introduis le trip pour aller la voir !
Puis je bouscule brievement pour lui parler enfin de ce qu'il ne va pas !
Désolé pour ceux ne parlant pas anglais !
[18:12:31] Olivier @ Li: ok as i said, could u give me your Fixe Phone
Number and ur adresse in Dresden please ?
[18:13:12] little shede: don't have a fix phone
[18:13:22] little shede: why do you need it?
[18:13:37] Olivier @ Li: why not ? sending you a postcard from USA
[18:13:49] Olivier @ Li: is it a problem ?
[18:18:03] Olivier @ Li: there ?
[18:18:15] little shede: no
[18:18:33] little shede: but i don't know how long i will keep that
adress
[18:18:55] Olivier @ Li: no matters
[18:21:06] Olivier @ Li: ? yes no ?
[18:23:50] little shede: hold on a min
[18:23:56] Olivier @ Li: ok
[18:27:43] little shede: okay, had a phone call
[18:27:51] Olivier @ Li: no worry
[18:28:02] little shede: i don't
[18:28:18] Olivier @ Li: so about ur adresse ?
[18:29:00] little shede: well, if you really nead it: *****
[18:29:58] Olivier @ Li: thx
[18:30:20] Olivier @ Li: did i give you mine ?
[18:30:28] little shede: bu as i said i don't know how long i will
live there
[18:30:37] little shede: no didn't
[18:31:41] Olivier @ Li: ******* otherwise you know my
adress in my home sweet home i think
[18:32:16] little shede: i will probably move together with my
boyfriend
[18:33:02] Olivier @ Li: so it is a Serious relationship you have
[18:33:17] little shede: yes it sure is
[18:33:22] Olivier @ Li: it is nice for you... congratulation
[18:33:32] little shede: thanx
[18:33:43] Olivier @ Li: do u have 5 minutes ?
[18:33:57] little shede: sure
[18:33:59] Olivier @ Li: it is about the "trip" in rostock
[18:34:10] little shede: what about it
[18:34:14] Olivier @ Li: i wanted to write you an email last week but
didn't have time
[18:34:49] Olivier @ Li: so yes.. as you told me your boyfriend will
be there, and i don't think i want to see him you know
[18:35:14] Olivier @ Li: see u as friend is Ok, but well... don't
really want to be sad
[18:35:24] Olivier @ Li: by seing you with him
[18:35:29] little shede: i donT think hw wants to see you either
[18:35:37] Olivier @ Li: for you
[18:35:56] Olivier @ Li: and im sure you wouldn't liek to see me with
my girlfriend too
[18:36:27] little shede: i wouldnT care to be honest (petit commentaire ajouté : c'est pas salaud de dire ça?)
[18:36:39] little shede: as long as you are happy
[18:37:00] little shede: do you have a girl?
[18:37:09] Olivier @ Li: yes i have a girlfriend
[18:37:19] little shede: cooool
[18:37:36] Olivier @ Li: we ve been together for 8 month no
[18:37:38] Olivier @ Li: now
[18:37:44] Olivier @ Li: what about you N
[18:37:45] Olivier @ Li: ?
[18:37:58] little shede: do you have pics
[18:38:02] Olivier @ Li: lo
[18:38:03] Olivier @ Li: lol
[18:38:09] Olivier @ Li: yes i have
[18:38:20] little shede: send me one
[18:38:30] little shede: do you want one?
[18:39:30] Olivier @ Li: as i said, i don't really want to see you
with your boyfriend Kat... im gonna explain a bit
[18:40:03] Olivier @ Li: there ?
[18:40:13] little shede: yeah explain
[18:40:30] Olivier @ Li: i would have prefered to explain it to you
face to face
[18:40:42] Olivier @ Li: but yeah.. it seems impossible
[18:40:52] little shede: that won't be possible
[18:41:05] Olivier @ Li: that's what i said
[18:41:18] little shede: yeah so explain now
[18:41:34] Olivier @ Li: a minute ... on the Phone
[18:42:37] little shede: my battery is low and the phone is in the
other room charging
[18:42:59] Olivier @ Li: im on the phone
[18:43:31] little shede: ok
[18:43:48] Olivier @ Li: sorry
[18:43:50] Olivier @ Li: so ...
[18:44:20] little shede: so?
[18:44:30] Olivier @ Li: ok.. if you had less dificulty to pass your
way and think about other boys
[18:44:37] Olivier @ Li: it is nice for you
[18:44:52] Olivier @ Li: however, for my part it is much more
dificult
[18:45:02] Olivier @ Li: for one very strong reason
[18:45:19] little shede: but you do have a girl now, who looks really
lovely and nice
[18:45:30] Olivier @ Li: I loved you a lot...
[18:45:39] Olivier @ Li: yes i know i have someone
[18:45:48] Olivier @ Li: just one thing..
[18:46:15] Olivier @ Li: So the strong g reason is unfortunatly easy
[18:46:45] Olivier @ Li: Sorry to tell you again about this story and
this part of our private family life
[18:46:52] Olivier @ Li: but yeah...
[18:47:08] little shede: its ok
[18:47:09] Olivier @ Li: When I lost my Grand mother and my mother you
were with me
[18:47:26] Olivier @ Li: and we loved each other
[18:47:31] Olivier @ Li: at this moment
[18:47:59] little shede: we didn't love, we barely knew each other,
don't you finally understs
[18:48:03] little shede: understand?
[18:48:16] Olivier @ Li: and for a long long time i thought about the
accident and my mother and the love i gave to you
[18:48:21] little shede: we just really liked each ozher a lot
[18:48:35] Olivier @ Li: and that's the problem Kat
[18:48:51] Olivier @ Li: Im not a psy or whatever
[18:49:28] Olivier @ Li: but all the love i had to my family, i give
it to you... something very strong (don't complain me
please... it is a very hard part of our life in my family)
[18:50:03] Olivier @ Li: Instead of realizing that's my mum was death
... and my love for her too..
[18:50:11] Olivier @ Li: I give it to you
[18:50:19] Olivier @ Li: A ball of love...
[18:50:24] Olivier @ Li: huge one...
[18:50:48] Olivier @ Li: at that moment, and also after lanearotte
[18:51:10] Olivier @ Li: i was thinking of you a lot.. because i
didn't really accept this accident
[18:51:15] little shede: I understand that, but now you can and have
to give that love to someone else, your dad and brother and
of course your girlfriend
[18:51:18] Olivier @ Li: Lanzarotte
[18:51:31] Olivier @ Li: sure... Kat ...
[18:51:37] Olivier @ Li: but just wait a bit
[18:52:00] Olivier @ Li: It is unfortunatly not so easy
[18:52:31] Olivier @ Li: For 2 years i was lured by idea that you were
the "Right one" for me
[18:52:47] little shede: but i wasn't
[18:52:49] Olivier @ Li: im just starting to think to change it
[18:52:52] little shede: i am not
[18:53:58] Olivier @ Li: and as i told you it is not easy
[18:54:11] Olivier @ Li: every details you gave me were important
[18:54:23] Olivier @ Li: such as the letter in Lanzarotte
[18:55:06] Olivier @ Li: in which you said that "if it is not possible
now i hope it will be in the future"
[18:55:27] little shede: i think that was wrong
[18:55:32] little shede: sorry
[18:55:35] Olivier @ Li: like the ring you gave me .. and told me to
keep it close to my heart
[18:55:40] little shede: it made it harder for you
[18:56:05] Olivier @ Li: i think it did
[18:56:31] Olivier @ Li: you know... i just wanted to finish with
that
[18:56:33] little shede: the ring is still yours, I am happy i gave it
to you, i would give it to you again. It is there for you,
when you are alone and sad
[18:57:12] Olivier @ Li: "unfortunatly" it may also represent you
[18:57:43] little shede: i wish, maybe sometime in 10 years or so,
when we both have family, we will meet and very good
friends and can think about the past and be happy with
life, would you like that?
[18:58:00] little shede: i would
[18:58:32] Olivier @ Li: today, i don't know
[18:59:06] little shede: i am sorry to say that, but i found the love
of my life, we want to spend the rest of our lifes tohether
and stuff, and i wish you would have the same luck, and
everything will be awesome
[18:59:13] little shede: do you understand?
[18:59:20] Olivier @ Li: if i loved you once... i may continu to love
you somewhere
[18:59:33] Olivier @ Li: that's why i wanted to clear my situation
[18:59:38] little shede: i wish you would not
[18:59:41] Olivier @ Li: and forget it
[18:59:50] little shede: it takes time
[19:00:03] Olivier @ Li: Kat... there is something not good for me...
[19:00:19] Olivier @ Li: At least once a year..; i'll think about you
[19:00:46] little shede: so, i wasn't talking about forgetting each
other
[19:00:56] Olivier @ Li: And honestly, today.. im scared of
that..scared of not loving someone as much as i loved you
[19:01:26] little shede: you will
[19:02:05] Olivier @ Li: You know.. i have been to australia, to
JApan, continu my studies and having good job
proposition... i did a lot to forget that
[19:02:19] Olivier @ Li: but as you said it takes time
[19:02:41] Olivier @ Li: I would have prefred to see you to talk
clearly about that...
[19:02:53] Olivier @ Li: and "finish" totally
[19:02:56] little shede: yeah
[19:03:32] Olivier @ Li: im happy for you of course ! but somewhere in
me i fell a bit sad
[19:04:13] little shede: i understand, but i am sure you will love
again as much
[19:04:26] Olivier @ Li: how could you know ?
[19:04:41] Olivier @ Li: the love of one mother ?
[19:04:42] little shede: i know
[19:04:49] little shede: ?
[19:05:00] Olivier @ Li: i know it is hard to understand that
[19:05:06] little shede: no, but the love of a woman
[19:05:11] Olivier @ Li: sometimes i feel crazy about that
[19:05:14] little shede: i try to understand you
[19:05:19] Olivier @ Li: thx
[19:06:13] Olivier @ Li: so i feel better to talk about it
[19:06:28] Olivier @ Li: i would have prefered you didn't gave me
those details
[19:06:49] Olivier @ Li: which made me think diferently but that's it
[19:07:21] little shede: maybe it makes it easier too
[19:07:28] Olivier @ Li: how ?
[19:07:35] little shede: i have to go now
[19:07:53] little shede: we talk later more okay?
[19:08:01] little shede: sorry
[19:08:03] Olivier @ Li: tell me when..it is better
[19:08:25] little shede: next time i am online, don't know when
[19:08:33] Olivier @ Li: see you kat
[19:08:47] little shede: mostly in the evenning, but i have to go eat
now
[19:08:50] little shede: bye
