Un reve en cache un autre...
Sadness in her eyes...
Mardi 19 Octobre 2004 à 22h47
I was with Macha a couple of hours today...grey and dark day ofr her, and for me too.
As she doesn't work, or meet people, or even have a lot of friends to talk to, she keeps brainstorming her black head, as I did last year at the same period with Kat.
Sadness is sparing her thoughts, she is woried about her future, and our future. Scared of being alone, or just being away from the one she loves.
She wants to know what will going on with us, if there is a possible future between our couple.
She told me that i never asked her to come in France (in the way she explained her that's is totally true), or to decide something for her, to help her in her decision actually.
She loves me, and for the first time, in front of the webcam and the Internet Messenger, looking at her smouth face, and disapointed regard, I told her "Me too" !
I lied to her, I don"t love her (well philosphycal question : what is love ?) but I really have strong feelings for Macha.
My tiny sushi roll is sad, and I am trying to inverse a difficult situation, because she is living what I lived 12 months ago, when i was thinking of Kat day and night, waiting for news from her, waiting for a solution to be with her, to be loved again....
Because i was thinking of her, and "our future" i totally included her in my life, without thinking of another possibility...depressed in a couple of days, destroyed by love.
I don't want Macha to live this situation, I don't want my love to be hurt, however, even if i try to encourage her, to stand by her ... she is sad. :'(
And me yesterday, I was alone with my left hand thinking of Kat (for the first time for a while)... but I felt stange about that.
I know I won't "find" a better person than Macha, but...
I don't know where I am know, and I have to study for tomorow's exam ! :fanee:
