Un reve en cache un autre...
Plein de choses....
Mercredi 21 Janvier 2004 à 19h03
Kat n'avait pas recue mon email...alors je suis allé sur MSN pour lui parler et le lui renvoyé....
Et puis voici la conversation (en english sure) :
Olivier : so about my e-mail ?...
Olivier may you prefer wait a bit before answer something
Little shede: right now i am in a crisis
Little shede: not because of you
Little shede: its just my life
Olivier: would you like me to call you ?
Little shede: I don't really have anybody
Olivier : phone
Little shede: no, you know i don't like talking on the
phone
Little shede: lets write
Little shede: it that is ok with you
Olivier : well as I said .... i think of you a lot
Olivier : and i hurts me
Olivier : it hurts me
Little shede: let me tall you my prolbelm first, it has
something to do with my answer
Olivier : if it does not hurt me too much you can
Little shede: it wont't
Little shede: I promise
Olivier (Pro: so you can
] Little shede: well as you know I live in 2 cities
Olivier (Pro: yes u do
Little shede: right....
] Olivier (Pro: allo Alter ?
Little shede: :D
Olivier (Pro: continu ...
Olivier (Pro: i imagine it is hard for you to tell me what
happens
Little shede: and I don't have anybody
Little shede: anywhere
Olivier (Pro: neither in dresden ?
Olivier (Pro: how could it be possible...I mean....ur a
nice personn and...
] Little shede: no one wants to be with me because of the 2
cities
Olivier (Pro: I see
Olivier (Pro: but you told me you had a boyfriend, don't
you ?
Little shede: no
Little shede: not really
Olivier (Pro: did u get back with ur ex ?
Little shede: he doesnt want to be with me because of the
city thing
Little shede: no
Olivier (Pro: i think I can understand you
Little shede: he doesn't want either
Olivier (Pro: but....hum....
Little shede: jeah?
Olivier (Pro: don't know what to say cause im in a kind of
crisis too
Little shede: that is the crisis
Little shede: or my problem
Olivier (Pro: do you have an answer to your problem ?
Little shede: well... no
Little shede: there wouldn't be a problem anymore
Olivier (Pro: sure....
Little shede: ;)
Olivier (Pro: did you talk about that to your mother ?
Little shede: no
Little shede: she would be worried
Olivier (Pro: yout father (I don't think so but...may be)
Little shede: hahaha
Little shede: no
Olivier (Pro: to stephanie ?
Little shede: yeah she knows
Olivier (Pro: you can't stay like this
Little shede: can't help either
Little shede: what shall i do?
Olivier (Pro: well...you know....
Little shede: yeah?
Olivier (Pro: if you mean "What shall I do with that
boy"....I can't answer
Olivier (Pro: but if you ask me "What shall I do with my
life in the 2 cities"
Olivier (Pro: it is different
Little shede: its my life with 2 cities
Olivier (Pro: well...the thing you can do is not staying in
your room all the time even if you are tired
Little shede: that i dont do
Olivier (Pro: invit people even if you don't know them
Little shede: go out every nicht
Olivier (Pro: with ?
Little shede: no thats dangerous
Little shede: people from work
Little shede: am giving a party on friday
Olivier (Pro: and...do you think....you have to make a
choice betmeen those 2 "life" ?
Olivier (Pro: between
Little shede: no, but no one wants e because of that
Olivier (Pro: did someone (except boyfriend) told you that
Little shede: kind of
Olivier (Pro: well...people who think that are a bit stupid
i think
Little shede: well, i understan them
Olivier (Pro: I don't know what to say....but I think you
had better talk to that to you mother....she will just help
Little shede: she can't do anything about it
Little shede: so I stay alone for the next 2 and a half
years
Olivier (Pro: no she can't....but she can listen to
you....
Olivier (Pro: and tell you the right words
Little shede: so can you
Little shede: thanx for it
Olivier (Pro: allo ?
Little shede: allo?
Olivier (Pro: :)
Olivier (Pro: well...I was sure something wasn't ok with
you
Olivier (Pro: because....
Little shede: no, i'm fine
Little shede: don't worry
Olivier (Pro: i wish I could help you
Little shede: listening to me helps a lot
Little shede: but to come to the point and yor mail...
Olivier (Pro: yes....
Olivier (Pro: I listen carefully
Little shede: we both have a problem
Little shede: we are both alone
Little shede: just with different reasons
[ Olivier (Pro: please...continu...
Little shede: um
Olivier (Pro: yes....?
Little shede: don't have a solution for boh ur problems
Olivier (Pro: i know what my solution is : Australia (new
things and new people)
Olivier (Pro: but....it is just
Little shede: i think you are right
Olivier (Pro: can i ask a question ?
Little shede: sure
Olivier (Pro: when you read it...did you fell indiferent ?
Little shede: not really
Litle shede: because I knew it
Little shede: the way you talk or write with me
Olivier (Pro: Do you think of me sometimes ?
Little shede: yeah
Little shede: thought of why you feel like that
Olivier (Pro: I don't understand, could you explain again
please
Olivier (Pro: in an other way
Little shede: I thouht of you, and was wondering why you
feel so much for me
Little shede: still
Olivier (Pro: now you know
Little shede: yeah
Olivier (Pro: i need a cigaret..im back in a few minutes
Olivier (Pro: OK ?
Little shede: ok
Olivier (Pro: im back
Little shede: good
Olivier (Pro: well...to continu what we were talking about
Olivier (Pro: the letter, and my fellings
Little shede: ok
Olivier (Pro: it is just that
Little shede: that
Olivier (Pro: that mmm....
Olivier (Pro: ...
Olivier (Pro: let me find my words
Little shede: go ahead
Olivier: well It just that I love you....i loved when
you told me i was a little child, I loved when we were
together lying in your mother's sofa, I loved when you were
touching my hair....... I loved when we were playing in the
hotel room (transforming me in a woman)....I loved when you took me by my hand....
Olivier (Pro: and..... yes that's it
Little shede: i'm sorry
Olivier (Pro: ...
Olivier (Pro: ?
Olivier (Pro: (don't kill me)
Little shede: i don't know what to say
Little shede: i wont
Olivier (Pro: but you have already did it somewhere
Olivier (Pro: by telling me 'I don't love you" once in
Lanzarotte, and a second time in my dreams
Little shede: I don't know what love is
Olivier (Pro: (not dream, but nightmare)
Little shede: i mean i don't know if I ever loved
Little shede: maybe am incapable of loving
Olivier (Pro: well...to be honnest...the way you looked at
me....I saw it was love
Olivier (Pro: little stars in your regard...and you
smilling
Olivier (Pro: exciting and happy
Little shede: the difference of love and having a crush
Olivier (Pro: well....
Olivier (Pro: don't know what to say
Little shede: me neither:(
Olivier (Pro: I just know that you were happy with me and
me either
Little shede: but after a while i wasn't anymore
Little shede: i mean
Olivier (Pro: i thought about it
Olivier (Pro: and...
Little shede: because you were so subtle and asked so many
questions
Little shede: I couldn't stand taht
Little shede: but at the time when you wre at my moms it
was different
Little shede: I really liked you and thought I loed you
Little shede: maybe it was because we saw each other every
day in lanzarote
Olivier (Pro: sure..i think it was too much
Olivier (Pro: and we were not prepared for that
Little shede: too be honest, i think I might have had alot
of feelings for you befoe lanzarote and at the begining of
lanzarote, but that changed
Little shede: because I felt exausted
Little shede: it was too much
Olivier (Pro: sure....
Little shede: you undestand
Little shede: ?
Olivier (Pro: i had the same feeling too
Little shede: and then it got more and more and it was
annoying
Olivier (Pro: (it was worst cause i didn't understand
people)
Little shede: yeah and sometimes you flippes ou?
Little shede: out
Olivier (Pro: flippes out ? what does it mean ?
Little shede: got crazy
Olivier (Pro: oh yes i know
Olivier (Pro: and im sure you know the reason, don't you ?
Little shede: no?
Olivier (Pro: beacause...i've spend all the year alone at
home, did not want to cry in front of anybody....
Olivier (Pro: did not cry after my mum's death
Olivier (Pro: until I see you
Olivier (Pro: so...I cried...i've waiting more than one
year before crying
Little shede: but thats ok
Olivier (Pro: but that does not change anything
Little shede: in your psychis it does
Olivier (Pro: sure...not in yours
Little shede: why?
Olivier (Pro: cause....
Olivier (Pro: mmm
Little shede: why in mine?
Olivier (Pro: because...may be you only keep this period
Little shede: dn't unerstand
Olivier (Pro: may you only keep in your mind (about me)
this period
Olivier (Pro: in Lanzarotte
Olivier (Pro: when i got crazy
Little shede: still don't understand
Olivier (Pro: ok ....may be in your mind, when you think
about me....you only think about times I got crazy
Little shede: maybe
Little shede: because tht as not nice
Little shede: sometimes you were not nice to me
Little shede: and that was frightening
Olivier (Pro: when ?
Little shede: dunno
Olivier (Pro: ?
Olivier (Pro: did i frightened you ?
Little shede: when i think of you there is one olivier at
my moms, and one in lanzarotte
Little shede: its like dr jekyll and mr hyde
Olivier (Pro: (well....i hope you don't compare me as a
monster)
Olivier (Pro: do you ?
Little shede: no
Olivier (Pro: merci
Little shede: mr hyde is no mnster
Little shede: he is the opposite of dr jekyll but no
[...]
Olivier (Pro: i don't know what to say about what you said
i was in Spain
Olivier (Pro: as if i was terrible
Little shede: sometimes
Olivier (Pro: and that's not me
Little shede: not all the time of cours
Little shede: but sometime it was
Olivier (Pro: mmmm
Olivier (Pro: (you kill me)
Little shede: no
Little shede: i am being honest
Olivier (Pro: yes you are
Olivier (Pro: can i ask you a question ?
Little shede: yes
Olivier (Pro: What did you say when I told you (at the
airport) : "I will be patient" ?
Olivier (Pro: i didn't catch the words...but i understood
it wasn't a good thing
Little shede: i don't remeber
Little shede: let me think
Little shede: ...
Olivier (Pro: dunno ?
Little shede: no
Little shede: its been a while
Olivier (Pro: yes, sure
Little shede: yes sure
Ben voila...apres ca j'ai demangé a mon père et mon frère ce qui avait changé en moi après l'accident, j'ai pas eu de veritable réponse...puis je suis allé voir Audrey pour tout lui dire sur Kat...puis je me ss arrêté dans un café....pour boire....encore avec Fab'...on a fini chez lui avec deux autres personnes...j'ai tiré 2 taff sur le bédo.....et je me suis senti mal...très mal...ca me réussi pas le bédo !
